Monday, May 9, 2011

Fifty Boners

I’m going to jump right in with Louis Untermeyer’s definition of the word boner with a lot more urgency than he likely felt way back in 1946, when the Treasury of Laughter was published:

A boner is a howler, a misprint, a right word in the wrong place (or vice versa), a slight error in association that turns a simple fact into a side-splitting absurdity.

There. Now that that is out of the way, I can get this out of the way as well:

So, on to the boners which were circulating in the pre-Internet days prior to 1946:
  • Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.
  • Magna Charta said the King was not to order taxis without the consent of Parliament.
  • They gave William IV a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer.
  • A metaphor is a thing you shout through.
  • Ibid was a famous Latin poet.
  • A Senator is half horse and half man.
  • Acrimony is what a man gives his divorced wife.
  • Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
  • Three shots rang out. Two of the servants fell dead, the other went through his hat.
  • During the Napoleonic Wars crowned heads were trembling in their shoes.
And that’s all she wrote.

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